Day 9: Something To Come Home To

Good morning!

This morning, I'd like to ask you - what is your husband coming home to? Is it a hot-mess, chaotic, and generally unpleasant? Or...is it a sanctuary, pleasing, and comforting?

Are you thinking, "Andrea, coming home to me and the kids should be enough!" Well, sure. Family is a great thing to come home to, but as wives and mothers we are capable of so much more. Here, let me tell you what my husband has had the pleasure of coming home to lately...

I've been the picture of perfection in the same pajamas I've been in for the last couple of days. Yes, admittedly, I've been in my pajamas for multiple days. My hair glistening from not being washed. The kids in their underwear. The dishes in the sink. Dinner not even thought of. Laundry needing folded. And, and, and....you get the point.

Our husbands work hard and they deserve to come home to a place of peace. Let's be honest, though, peace looks and feels different to each person. So, you are going to have to be creative and really look into the inner working of your husband. What is it that would make your husband give a large *sigh of relief*?

Here are some ideas to get you started:
* Make sure the room he walks into first when he comes home is picked up and in order.
* Have dinner on the table if you know what time he's going to be home.
* Have the children dressed.
* Have yourself dressed.
* Have your hair and make-up done.
* Have his favorite music softly playing in the background.
* Have a cup of coffee or (insert favorite drink here) ready.

The goal here is to make him feel thankful for being away from work and the in the comfort of home. One small baby step at a time ladies. Don't try and tackle your whole list today - prioritize and do what you know will bring him the most peace. If you don't know - ask him. "Honey, what things would you love to come home to?" Ask his top 3 and work on those first. Once those become easy it will be a cinch to add more.

Alright, time for me to go pick up the living room, start dinner in the crock-pot, and get the kids and I dressed for the day!

Love,
Andrea

10 Things Tuesday 02.17

Today I'm thankful for:

1. My mother-in-law. She made the trip from Central Oregon to the Inland NW to visit us for 5 days. It had been 4+ months since we had seen her.
2. My aunt and uncle. They made the trip from Western Washington to Eastern Washington to visit us. We hadn't seen them since last July.
3. My mom and dad. They will be visiting us this weekend for 3 days. We always enjoy their visits and appreciate them making the trip over to visit us.
4. Our friends from Seven Matters who are our family by choice here in Eastern Washington.
5. Our friends, The Daniels, who in spite of us not being able to get together recently still call to check in with us regularly. We miss you!
6. Our church family. We are getting more plugged in and it feels great!
7. The sunshine that has been around for a couple days - come on Spring!!
8. The journey mercies that have been granted to our family in all their travels.
9. The ability to go visit my family in a couple weeks.
10. My husband who is finally feeling better after nearly 3 weeks of being sick. I love you, honey!

Love, Andrea

Day 8: It's His Turn!

Yesterday we took a look at recognizing how our husbands recognize us for the work we do. Today we will reciprocate that by encouraging our husbands for the work they do. The following is an excerpt from the Revive Our Hearts 30-Day Husband Challenge.

Let him labor, working with his hands what is good. (Eph. 4:28b)

We are all accountable for the things we say, both negative and positive words. Have you embraced the challenge to speak only positive things to your husband and to others about him? Here's a suggestion that touches the core of your husband's world.

Some women take their husband's career for granted, and they show it in many ways. Do you "dump" on your husband at the end of the workday, or do you strengthen and encourage him with your words? A wise wife will make her husband feel that she values and appreciates his work. Let him know that you are glad he is a hard worker. Take opportunities to praise his diligence and resourcefulness to others.

If your husband is out of work, unable to work, or refuses to work, you'll need to be more creative. Praise him for a character quality that you see in him that would be a vital part of a successful career—such as persistence, decisiveness, strength, an analytical mind, organizational skills, good with people, good listener, determination, etc.

Love, Andrea

Day7: A Job Well Done!

In the Bible, Proverbs 31 explains the ways of a Virtuous Wife. The passage details the life of a wife and mother. Today I want to concentrate on the end of the passage where it says, "Her children respect and bless her; her husband joins in with words of praise:"Many women have done wonderful things, but you've outclassed them all!"

In the ups and downs of marriage there are times when we feel like we get the praise we deserve and others where it seems like everyone's "give a damn" is broken. As wives, it's particularly important to us to feel like our husbands see what we've done and that they verbalize that admiration. When they do this it translates to LOVE in our minds. When they fail to tell us that we've done a good job we can internalize that silence and begin to wonder if they care, if we've done enough, if we are loved and appreciated.

Today's challenge has two parts:

* Think of times when your husband has praised you for the work you've done. Does he come right out and say "honey, you've done a great job!" Or is an unspoken appreciation? For example, I know that my husband appreciates me and the work I do for our family because he is unwaveringly okay with my attending events outside the home without him or the children. I have a group of women with on Saturday mornings for coffee and knitting - he has never batted an eye at me going. I want you to write these things down. There will be times that you walk through dark valleys and it will be beneficial for you to have this reflect on.

* Next, if you are in one of those valleys where you feel like you don't get the recognition you deserve I challenge you to talk to your husband about it. I warn, DO NOT be accusatory and defensive. Come to him with love and kindness. Verbalize your need for recognition for a job well done. If you don't feel you can rationally talk to him about these things - come back to this later when you feel like you can.

Ladies, a lot of times we think that men should just know how we feel or what we're thinking. The truth is, they don't. They aren't mind readers and they don't always know what we need without telling them. No matter what, though, you must come to him with love, kindness, and respect.

Love, Andrea

Day 6: Practice Makes Perfect

Well, yesterday we evaluated where we are at with our listening skills. Today we are going to move right along into PRACTICING our listening skills. Why not practice those skills NOW when there is no conflict (I'm assuming) rather than in the heat of a moment.

Today's Challenge

Ask your dear husband about something that only he would know (between the two of you). Here are some ideas:

* What did you think of (insert favorite team name here) offense/defense in the last game?
* Do you have a preference between the old school Mustang or the new 21st Century version?
* What is the benefit of changing your oil every 3 months?
* What route do you think is the fastest to get from point A to point B?

At any rate, you are asking him a question that peaks his interest. Practice all those skills we talked about yesterday: eye contact, focus, looking for feelings and facts, not letting your mind wander, tune in, and ask questions. Remember, practice makes perfect, ladies!

Day 5: Are you listening?

When we are in a relationship with someone it is inevitable that there is a time to listen and a time to be heard. Most of us have young children. Like me, do you ever find yourself telling your children, "okay honey, I need you to put on you listening ears." I say this to my son quite often. Listening, however, is a life skill - something that needs to be practiced and refined and used throughout your life.

Today's challenge is to assess if you are a good listener. The Couple's Devotional Bible says this, "Good listening is essential in maintaining a healthy marriage." Below you will find a quiz for evaluating your listening skill because ladies it's not just about putting on listening ears - there are other queues that indicate whether you are listening or not.

Listening Quiz:
On a scale of one (hardly ever) to five (almost always) rate yourself on the frequency of each of the following good-listening habits.

_____ I maintain direct eye contact.
_____ I focus my attention on what my partner is saying rather than on what I'm going to say next.
_____ I listen for feelings as well as facts.
_____ I avoid letting my mind wander.
_____ I tune in instead of tune out when difficult or controversial issues come up.
_____ I think first, then respond.
_____ I think of questions to ask and then ask them.

Day 4: What's On Your List Today?

Happy Monday All!!

How's the challenge going for all of you? Are you seeing any changes or benefits from it yet? I've so enjoyed reading all your responses. It's neat to see the transformation in your relationships.

Well, let's get on with today...

Mondays are hard for a lot of people. We spend the weekend doing the things we can't get done during the work week. Then Monday rolls around and we have to get back to the day-to-day battle of balancing work, school, soccer practice, grocery shopping, and __________, ___________, etc., etc. We each have a list of "must do", "need to do", and "would like to do".

As the wife/mom it seems like we are in a state of perpetual-multitasking-motion. Our lists seem never ending. Yes? While your waiting for the laundry to get done, your boiling water, wiping nose, chopping wood (that's for you Kero)....well, you get the point - the list goes on and on. I don't know about you, but because I'm often in my own world of multitasking I often forget about my husband's to-do list.

Wait. What?!? He has a list to?? Yes, it's true ladies.

Today's Challenge:
Find a way to bless your husband by taking something off of his list. There are a couple ways you can approach this one ladies:

* You can be direct. Take a moment to walk up to your husband and let him know that you know his plate is just as full as your. Then ask what you can do for him to make his load a little lighter the day and/or week.

* You can be indirect. Is there something that is a "Man Job" in your household? For example, my husband does the garbage every week. He takes the garbage out to the curb and brings it back in. I could easily do this, but over time has become "his job". What is "his job" in your house? Can you take it on just this once?

I'm hesitant to post this challenge because I know how hard you all work and taking on ONE. MORE. THING. will seem near impossible for some of you. Ladies, I remind you, this is a today thing - not a forever thing. I promise you, blessing your husband today (or this week) will help with a forever strengthened marriage. You can do it!

Company Girl Coffee 2.6

Good Friday morning gals!

It's been a while since I participated in Company Girl Coffee, but I'm excited with a project I've been working on and wanted to share with all of you! I hope your cup is full and warm.

I'm working on a series that will help improve and strengthen marriages. I was inspired after reading through many different resources:

* The Love Dare
* The Couples Bible
* Proverbs 31 Ministries

I'm only 3 days into it, but am already getting good feedback. I'd love for you all to take a look! I'd love to know what things have helped strengthen your marriages. I'd love to highlight you in my series. Link here to each daily post:

* Day 1: Welcome to the Husband Challenge
* Day 2: The Bandwagon Stops here
* Day 3: 2 Minute Warning

Cheers,
Andrea

Day 3: 2-Minute Warning

When watching sports have you ever noticed how many time warnings there are? In particular, I think about football and the last two minute warning. Men are focused creatures. They have a goal. They divide. They conquer. In addition to that, they have a timer going in their head that lets them know when they should move onto the next task. In the football example, a touchdown might be be pursued with greater intensity once they hear the 2 minute warning. The goal must be accomplished and now time is dwindling.

Because men are so one track minded, they are often oblivious to other things that are happening around them. So, your husband may be in the garage fixing the car and you call him in for dinner because it's ready NOW. What happens? He trudges in from the garage to appease you, but completely frustrated because he didn't accomplish his goal. Or, here's the one I'm guilty of most often: Telling my husband I'm ready to leave NOW. Then I realize that my husband is in the middle of a project and doesn't even have shoes on. Now we're both exasperated.

Today's challenge will go through the weekend. Give your husband a "2-minute warning" (customize the time for your unit). Do this before meals, before leaving, before any event that you believe will take him away from something he's working on. This will help him prioritize his time and accomplish a goal before moving onto the next task.

For those of you without your spouse at this time - practice this on your children. Men and children are much the same in this respect. They have great intensity when working on a given task. So, at the end of the evening, instead of saying I need you to pick up the playroom NOW - say, "Honey, I'm going to set the timer for 2 minutes. When it goes off, I'd like you to pick this room up." That way they have time to mentally disconnect from one task and move on to the other.

Day 2: The Bandwagon Stops Here!

Wikipedia says this of the Bandwagon Effect:

The Bandwagon effect, also known as social proof or "cromo effect" and closely related to opportunism, is the observation that people often do and believe things because many other people do and believe the same things. The effect is often pejoratively called herding instinct, particularly when applied to adolescents. People tend to follow the crowd without examining the merits of a particular thing. The bandwagon effect is the reason for the bandwagon fallacy's success.

The bandwagon effect is well-documented in behavioral psychology and has many applications. The general rule is that conduct or beliefs spread among people, as fads clearly do, with "the probability of any individual adopting it increasing with the proportion who have already done so".[1] As more people come to believe in something, others also "hop on the bandwagon" regardless of the underlying evidence.

With today's technologies (texting, email, social networking, etc.) each of us has near instant access to someone. In times of need, particularly in our marriages, we feel the need to reach out to others for affirmation, opinions, justification, and previous experience. When we get multiple people on "our side" we can hop on the bandwagon and parade in front of our husbands with an "I told you to" mentality. If all these people agree with me - it must be so - I'm right, your wrong.

Today's Challenge:
In regards to your husband and marriage, for today, keep it within the confines of your marriage. If you can't feel like you can communicate with your spouse about your feelings - then keep it to yourself. Journal it if you must get it out, but avoid reaching out to your girlfriends. Give yourself time to mull it over, cool down, and begin to rationalize.

Love, Andrea

Husband Challenge - Day 1

Hello world! Can someone award me the worst blogger award, please? I digress....

On another site I frequent regularly I've volunteered to host a "husband challenge". In an effort to make my blog look like it actually has a purpose I though it would be good to post here, too. It is my goal, over the course of a month, to strengthen our marriages through fortifying our relationship with our husbands. So, on with the show...

Day 1: In The Beginning...

Whether you believe in evolution or creation, I think it's safe to say that most of us at least have an inkling of what the first book of the Bible says: "In the beginning God created..." It goes on to tell us what occurred over the next seven days. In those seven days man was created. It was noted that it was not good for man to be alone - then a helper was made suitable for him. Woman was made. The two were united. They were naked together and felt no shame. This is because the were so much ALIKE. That's right, in this case, opposites did not attracts. They were drawn to each other and were comfortable with each other because there were so much alike.

I know, I know, you're saying, "But Andrea, you don't know my husband. He couldn't be more different than me." Here are my thoughts on that: his differences are what make him interesting and unique, not what attracted you to him. The things that draw us to each other are a kinship.

For me, I saw in Troy a love for family, a love for God, and desire to be a hard worker. These are all things that I, too, saw in myself. Knowing those things were in his heart I knew that together we could reach shared life goals.

Challenge question: What are some ways you are similar? How have your differences and similarities strengthened your marriage?